2012 Olympic Recap

Summer Olympics have come and gone. What a crazy 2 weeks of nothing on TV but super humans accomplishing astounding feats and smashing world records. I was screaming my head off parked on my new couch and eating lots of pizza. Here’s my recap of the 2012 Summer Olympics in London.

Opening Ceremony

The opening ceremony for the Olympics in Beijing was stupefying. The things they managed to do blew my mind. But then I started thinking about it and it clicked in to place. If you’re a nation with about 1/5 of the world’s population at your disposal, you better come up with awesome murals that are powered by humans. Also, if you’re the birthplace of gunpowder and firecrackers, then that display better be beyond mind boggling.

However, here’s two reasons why London rocked my socks harder than Beijing and both reasons have two words each.

1. The Queen.
2. James Bond.
3. DAVID BECKHAM!!!!

Okay, so that’s three. Nothing more needs to be said. The rest of the opening ceremony (minus the Bean’s funny appearance) wasn’t exactly my cup of tea.

US Women’s Volleyball

I cried watching the outcome of the beach volleyball. Take THAT, Brazil!!!

I also cried watching the women’s indoor volleyball team lose to Brazil. I was pulling for them and pulling for them to win. Clyde secretly thinks I loved the team because I liked to scream out “DESTINEE HOOKER, I LOVE YOU!!! KILL!! KILL!!! KILL THEIR ASS!!!”

Which is completely true. I am in love with a Hooker. She’s beautiful, she’s talented and she kicks some serious ass. I’m really glad she’s not my mom because I got spanked when I was little. Can you imagine being on the receiving end of Destinee Hooker’s spankings?! Ouch.

So even though we lost the gold in indoors volleyball to Brazil, I take great comfort in knowing we beat their butts in Beach Volleyball. I will be greatly looking forward to the Summer Olympics in Rio.

Women’s Gymnastics

I am simply in awe of these women. I can barely do a somersault and I still haven’t figured out how to cartwheel. I just do not understand how these women can bend, contort, flip and fly through the air the way they do. Wtf.

You know, I always thought Russia kicked ass in gymnastics but what happened this year? It seems like they fell a lot. Hopefully they do better next year.

Swimming

Wtf, Michael Phelps??!! 22 medals in his career? That’s just crazy. I swear I gave myself an ulcer every time I watched him swim.

On to the next Olympic athlete I’m fascinated with. Ryan Lochte. He’s so amazing…if only he would just never open his mouth to speak. Or open his mouth at all. That way, I don’t have to hear “Jeah” as an answer to a question or see diamonds winking at me in his mouth. I didn’t know people still wore grills! Isn’t that like….so 2002?

Why is that sexy? Why doesn’t his friends ever tell him “Hey, man….that’s just lame”? Friends don’t let friends act like douches in public. Just sayin’.

I think this article puts it best. I was seriously laughing my ass off and agreed with everything she said.

In Summary

What the holy shit was China and South Korea thinking when they tried to throw the badminton games? Seriously. Just play the fucking game! When I say “play the fucking game”, I’m not referring to trying to rig the outcome. That’s also known as CHEATING. Shame on you!

Boxing is now a sport I no longer have any desire to watch after what happened with the Azerbaijian – Japan match. Fixing a game and/or not doing your job because you received a “loan” is also known as CHEATING! For shame.

USA whooped the asses took home the lion’s share of medals AND came out first for number of gold medals. I don’t care if what we won isn’t impressive to some when you consider our economic standing and population. What matters is that the athletes who represented us did their best and it shows. End of story.

There’s a picture floating around Facebook that shows the Stars and Stripes and the bald eagle. What makes me smile is that the words written on it are so true. “Get called fat and stupid by other nations. Beat the crap out of them at the Olympics and land on Mars”. AMERICA!!!! F**K YEAH!!!

Till Rio!

Bonnie N. Clyde is a writer for YouBentMyWookie.com and the alias of the Supreme Commander / Ultimate Destroyer. When she isn’t an armchair Olympian, she writes in her blog over at MissBonnified.com