Fake Celebrities And Why I Will Never Understand Women

Riddle me this, people. Why are people like OctoMom and Jon and Kate Gosselin celebrities? I’m serious. Who ARE these freaks and why do people care? I’ve always thought a celebrity is either in music, film, television or politics but now it seems like anyone can be one even if it’s for 15 minutes.

Don’t get me wrong. I can see the fascination with OctoMom because, seriously, who the hell does that to herself? Why on Earth would you want to bring so many more lives into your own when you can’t provide for the ones you already have? That just makes no sense to me. To think I can’t even use the worn out line about keeping her legs closed so she won’t pop out another one because, hello, she didn’t go about it the old fashioned way. Nope.

OctoMom = 1
MissBonnified = Epic Fail

You know why I even care about the OctoMom? It’s because I am in part paying for her lifestyle and raising her kids via my taxes. I do not begrudge her children my money because they are innocent. Kids should never be punished for the actions of those who came before them no matter how dumb I might think their parents/family/etc are or how much I question their grip on reality. But OctoMom!! Good God, I wanted to throw up every time I had to hear about her on the news (WHY IS SHE ON THE NEWS?! SHOULDN’T THEY BE COVERING SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT??!!! Examples of things more important are why the cost of gas is starting to burn a hole in my bank account and why I decided to wear my black Aldo pumps instead of my Nine West red stiletto heels) or saw her remodeled face in whatever magazine I was reading. Chick, please. ‘Fess up. You had work done. There is no way you can go to sleep one day and then wake up the next day with a brand new face in the natural world. Oh wait. That’s right. You don’t like to do things naturally. ‘Kay, never mind. I know writing about her only feeds into the frenzy created in the wake of her ginormous rear end but thank GOD the frenzy has died down.

Yes, the frenzy over the OctoMom and her unnaturally large brood has tapered down because yet another insta-celebrity has shoved her out of the spotlight which is no easy feat. It’s Jon and Kate and THEIR huge family. What the hell is up with people and their fascination with gigantimous families? I say just leave them be and let them live their lives in peace so that I can live mine without having to be assaulted by their trials and tribulations via smutty magazines every time I’m in the super market.

I have no idea who these people are and yet they’re not only on the cover of People magazine but a host of other ones as well. Imagine my confusion when the cover and accompanying headlines are screaming at me about how they might split up. Well, HELL, I didn’t even know they were together because I have absolutely zero clue about who they are! By the time I figured it out with a little help from my best friend, Google, I was stunned because in my head, these are just regular people who happen to have a large family and marital issues….so who cares?

According to Access Weekend, apparently a lot of people care AND THEY’RE ALL WOMEN!! Supposedly when things like this become tabloid fodder, the big wigs are sitting around some table asking themselves the same question Adam must’ve asked himself the first time he set eyes on Eve. This stupendously important question is:

“What Do Women Want?”

….and apparently it’s this crap. What we want matters and matters a LOT because we spend a ton of money which means we pack quite a punch when it comes to deciding what gets put out there for people to buy. Sadly, what we want is a lot of gossip about people we don’t know and we want it in mass quantities as evidenced by all the trees that have sacrificed their lives so that magazines like US Weekly and whatever the hell else could be churned out. Oh, and TMZ. Can’t forget about TMZ. WE are the reason why I’m bombarded by near constant media barrage detailing every minuscule event in their lives, like what kind of lip gloss OctoMom bought at the MAC counter. * scream *

So what does this tell you?

I, as a female, do not understand women either.

Ladies. Ladies ladies ladies. Please do me a favor so that I can keep my full head of killer glossy hair because I will no longer have to fight the urge to pull it out. Desire other things of interest that I wouldn’t mind inadvertently reading about when I’m standing in a frozen check out line when buying groceries such as cute shoes, kick ass food and why Daniel Henney is so gorgeous.

My sanity and I thank you.

// End Rant Of The Day

Bonnie N. Clyde is a writer for YouBentMyWookie.com and the alias of the Supreme Commander / Ultimate Destroyer. Not only is she a gifted storyteller and a self proclaimed dork, but is regarded among her peers as a Love Guru despite ironically being chronically single.