Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson are back as Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele, and the world is a little dumber for it. The abuse fantasy/ Twilight Fanfic that is the Fifty Shades franchise will not die. Instead, repressed soccer moms and hipsters seeking crap movies to ironically watch have given studios a reason to believe that this needed to be taken to a full trilogy. Well, I guess here you go.

Full disclosure. I fell asleep during this teaser. It is only 1:05 long and I fell asleep. It could be the 3 hours of sleep I got after last night’s hurricane, but I’ve got a feeling that a good teaser would have taken me at least two minutes to nod off in.