If for some reason you don’t know who Rifftrax is, they are the guys who created Mystery Science Theater 3000 (and have now successfully kickstarted a relaunch). As we approach the end of the year, they’ve turned their wit towards the worst films of the year including: Entourage, Fifty Shades of Grey, Insidious 2, Fantastic Four, and Star Wars: The Force Awakens.
Here’s their comments, via EW.
“Budget cuts forced this big screen adaptation of Marvel’s Sinister Six villain team down to one third of the team’s original size. Audiences watched in horror as Vulture (Jonathan Silverman) moved in to a Manhattan loft with Kraven the Hunter (Andrew McCarthy) and the film slowly morphed into a buddy comedy. Many feel the low point occurred during a nine-minute montage of Vulture trying on Kraven’s signature leopard-print tights during which the song “Fancy” by Iggy Azalea played in its entirety 2 1/3 times.
“Described by many critics as ‘HBO’s Ballers, but for movies instead of sports,’ Entourage finally explored what it would be like if you had to pay 12 dollars to watch the antics of Vinnie, Turtle, E, Dr. Ama, ), U-God, and Alt-Tab instead of just borrowing your parents’ HBO Go login. There is Oscar buzz surrounding the performance of A Sentient, Angry Sack of Live Bait That is Two Days Past its Prime in a Toupee for its performance as Ari.”
“Liam Neeson expands his very particular set of skills to include ‘beating a dead horse’ and ‘cashing a paycheck.’ Audiences were excited for more adventures of federal agent Stack Taken (Catchphrase: ‘Take this job and take it!’) but were instead treated to a baffling shot-for-shot remake of the 1985 TV movie The Hugga Bunch, causing many to speculate that this might mark the end of the franchise… after probably just two more movies and then a reboot on whatever the hell Crackle is.”
Star Wars: The Force Awakens
“Well, Christmas is ruined. This entirely unnecessary remake is a direct insult to the groundbreaking, original Star Wars Holiday Special. The recasting is appalling: Daisy Ridley as Lumpy, Adam Driver as Itchy, Max von Sydow as Malla. The only saving grace is that a digital Andy Serkis will be filling the late Bea Arthur’s role as Ackmena.”
“The reviews are in. ‘Mother of God!’ says every single human who went to see this.”
Fifty Shades of Grey
“The scene: a boardroom at Universal Studios. A cigar chomping executive shouts at his underlings. ‘Take Twilight and dumb it way way down! What do I pay you people for anyway?!’
‘But, sir, Twilight is universally regarded as the most insipid thing ever written and… wait a minute. Wait just a minute! We could keep it nice and dumb and load it up with laughable S&M softcore porn!’
‘MAKE THAT MOVE!’”
“Hey, y’know how Kid Rock makes heaps of money with lazy songs that just remind people of older, better songs they really liked? What if we did that with Jurassic Park?”
“The movie that made even the most devout Johnny Depp fans stop and say, ‘Maybe we should’ve gone with Skeet Ulrich after all.’”
“Adam Sandler and company had the vision to take the concept of a Futurama episode and turn it into a movie. The clever twist? Unlike the Futurama episode, this version sucks.”