“Martha, Get My Gun! There’s A Cow Peeing On Our Porch!”

32-year-old Michelle Allen of Middleton, Ohio must have gotten really bored yesterday. I know when I get bored, I like to get hammered and dress up like a barnyard animal. Unlike my benders, the cow costume was just the first part of her day. No one would have even noticed it she hadn’t gone and urinated all over her neighbor’s porch. The cops were called and they were able to steer her off the porch, but she was not finished with her drunken stampede. She was later found blocking traffic and chasing terrified children. That’s when the cops herded her off to jail.

“The arresting officer says Allen smelled of alcohol, slurred her speech, and was belligerent. She also alleged cussed at the officer.”

– How bullish.

The police handled the situation, but were never able to figure out why she had the cow costume on in the first place. One thing is for certain, her mugshot is udderly hilarious.