Hello, Kitty

Most girls have a thing for Hello Kitty. By “girls,” I mean females who have yet to hit puberty. I didn’t realize, however, that most women over the legal drinking age are still fixated and fascinated by this kitty cat. Case in point, my coworkers. These are women who are older than me…and yet you wouldn’t be able to tell based upon their obsession with Hello Kitty. Then again, these are the same women who are hardcore Twihards.

To commemorate the release of Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer, one of them made the same charm bracelet Belle rocks with the crystal heart AND the carved wolf figurine for all of us who finished the series. I still have that bracelet. I’m secure enough with my (im)maturity to admit it proudly.

Anyway, I hadn’t realized how popular this kitty really is. Sure, I think it’s cute but I’m not obsessed with it. The only things featuring this insanely popular character in my possession is this blinged out necklace my friend from junior high got me for my birthday 2 years ago and a shirt I bought from Forever 21 that features Hello Kitty with the words “Miss Adorable” underneath. Oh, and I bought another shirt from Happy Six that says “Recycle fashion. Buy vintage” or something. It’s black. I had to have it.

It wasn’t until my mom’s friend from Asia text me a photo of Hello Kitty did I finally begin to understand. Check it out.

Is it me or is there something kind of odd about this? First of all, why is she flashing her booty shorts at me? And why is there a heart stamped on her left buttcheek? AND WHY IS SHE WINKING?! This is so wrong on so many levels but most disturbing of all, why is my mom’s friend texting me with this?

Who knew Hello Kitty could be such a tease?! Not me, that’s for sure. I’m wondering what’s next for her. First she shows me her unmentionables while holding someone’s heart in her hands as she throws me a little wink over her shoulder….then what? They’re going to come out with a workout video called Hello Kitty’s Pussycats where she teaches you how to slither like a cat on a stripper pole? Not that I’d mind but I don’t see that going over very well with most parents.

Then again, Miley Cyrus was around a pole herself and she’s supposed to be the picture of wholesome fun so who knows.

I personally love Kuromi. When I had to go shopping for my work’s Secret Santa present, I went into this Sanrio store that’s been open since I was born. I walked in there to buy her a gift…and ended up walking out with Kuromi shoulder bag, Kuromi bento box and Kuromi travel coffee mug for myself.

I love her! She’s devious, she’s mischievous, SHE’S A SCORPIO JUST LIKE ME and she also loves to write. We also share a love of cute boys. Did I mention her little friends are happy skull entities? It was like all the executives at Sanrio were sitting around one day trying to decide what kind of character would be perfect for me and then proceeded to make it a reality.

But you know who my favorite Sanrio characters are? Little Twin Stars. The boy twin reminds me of that story about the Little Prince. I loved that story when I was little. The girl twin has a freaking WAND! I want it. I swear I would only use that wand for good. I wouldn’t do anything like bonk people on the head when they annoy me or abuse its power by waving it all around while screaming “BIBBITY BOBBITY BOO” when I need to clean my house in a hurry.

No….never…not me.

Bonnie N. Clyde is a writer for YouBentMyWookie.com and the alias of the Supreme Commander / Ultimate Destroyer. She writes a lot in her blog over at MissBonnified.com and is vastly proud of her immaturity.