I’ve never been to any conventions. I’ve always wanted to go but the events were gone with the wind by the time I remembered to start thinking about registering for them. Talk about Epic Le Fail. I hear so many things about them, especially the mother of all conventions known as San Diego Comic-Con. What I’ve heard has ranged from “OMG, best time ever” to “Bonnie, you’ll never survive especially if you dress up” and “GEEKS UNITE!!!”

But this year!! This year will mark the first time I attend one of these insane events of total geeky debauchery.

That’s right. I will be a virgin no more!! I feel like singing that Madonna song. In case you don’t know which one that is, allow me to cyber-serenade you.


My karaoke skills ROCK! I actually used to like Madonna back when she was all things Jersey but she totally lost me when she started getting all emo, New Age crazy.

Anyway. Back to SDCC. I. Cannot. Wait.

I heard people dress up in full regalia and cosplay to these things so I wanted to dress up too. Dude, it’s gonna be like Halloween BUT IN JULY!!! I was going to go as either a vampire (because I love all things bloodsucker-ish) or as a Japanese school girl but I was cautioned against that by a good friend who is a seasoned veteran and who, lucky for me, has my interests in mind. He actually brought up some valid points on why I should consider not dressing up. They are as follows :

1. People Will Want To Take Pictures With You

Dude, I see nothing wrong with that but he has a pretty good idea of what my Halloween costumes look like so he was like “Uh….no. You don’t understand. If you dress up they’ll stop you maybe every 3 second to ask if they can take a picture with you.”

Hm. Okay, that could put a slight damper on things since I need to go wherever it is I’m going… hopefully without getting lost too many times.

2. You Need To Wear Comfortable Shoes

I’m gonna let you guys in on a little secret. The kinds of shoes I wear are super cute because they’re strappy, they’re GORGEOUS but they’re not exactly conducive to this thing called “walking”. Oh no no no. They’re meant to be admired on my feet which means I have to be sitting down. This is why I require a slew of hairless cabana boys to carry me around everywhere. Very practical, I know. Maybe Santa will finally stick them under my Christmas tree this year because I’ve been especially good.

So back to this “comfortable shoes” business. He said I’ll be walking at least 3 – 5 miles a day if I plan on staying there all day. I definitely want to stay there as long as humanely possible because this is my first ever convention! I need to fully immerse myself and soak up as much as I can like the freaking Sponge Bonnie that I am and if it means I gotta stomp around a lot, hey! It’s great cardio.

….maybe I need to invest in some sneakers or something. I don’t think heels will work. I love it. I have an excuse to go shopping now. Awesomeness.

As I’m writing this, the only schedules out are the ones for Thursday and Friday. Because I’m totally good at organizing my time (haa haa haa), I decided it would be a very good idea to plan out my days so I can make the most of my time there. I’m totally patting myself on the back. However, like the total SDCC n00b that I am, I decided it would probably be better if I printed it out and made little marks next to the events I want to see.

I hit “print” for the both days’ schedules and realized just how many trees I killed. Who knew there were so many friggin’ things to see and do?!

Wait….don’t answer that. I just realized the more experienced people would know. Again, I’m playing the n00b card.

I also realized something else. I have no sense of direction. This place is huge. I realize they supply you with maps but that’s assuming :

A. You know how to read a map
B. You can actually successfully navigate with one.

You know what my idea of a map is? It’s called GPS. GPS was made for people like me. I could never be that Bear dude in “Man Vs. Wild”. I think he’s nuts for putting himself in those situations regardless of fat paycheck, controversial assistance by camera crew and safety adviser. I was one of those super cools kids in high school who took JROTC. One of the tasks we had to successfully complete was finding our way back on to school campus using nothing but a topography map and a compass. We were dropped off a little ways off of school grounds and set loose. My ass promptly got lost. That map was completely useless to me. I was the last one back to school and the only reason why I even made it back was because I gave up on using the map and totally cheated by reading the street signs. My idea of camping is a log cabin with a fireplace, electricity, indoor plumbing and running water. The flip side of this is you can stick me in any casino, let me walk around just once and I will never lose my way in the crazy maze they call the Gaming Cage. How weird is that?

Seeing as how my beloved Navi can’t help me this time (yes, I’ve named my navigational system. His name is Navi. I love him even though he sounds like a British female when he’s telling me to make a left in 500 feet), I decided the SDCC needs to supply me with something else besides a map. In fact, I know exactly what I want.

I want a hairless cabana boy to lead me around to all the places I need to go. How awesome would that be?! I would never get lost and I’d have my very own, personal guide!! I could just tell him “Cabana Boy, I need to go to……here,” point at wherever it is I marked on the map and off we go!

* sigh *

I somehow very highly doubt this will happen but I’m okay with that because I’m still going to my first ever SDCC. If you see a clueless girl in spotless running shoes clutching a map for dear life with a dazed look in her eyes, then I think it’s a pretty safe bet that’s me you see.