The only thing these turtles are going to attack are your arteries!
“We dug up the idea of the vintage 1950’s pin-up and hit it over the head with a shovel. Let yourself get infected by these bloody gore-gous women who are just dying to get under your skin.”
“Hi I’m Billy Mays here for Comfort wipe. Too Fat to wipe your own ass? Do you wash yourself with a rag on a stick? Then you’ll need the comfort wipe. Just Stick it, Swipe it, and Wipe your worries away!”