Follow The Leader, And Men With Their Cheating Hearts

Remember when we used to play that game back in grade school? Who knew the “leader” when we grew up would be commonly known as “the penis.” Seriously. The penis pointed and the rest of the man followed. This is like the X-rated version of that oh-so-innocent playground game we used to play. Who knew it would mutate into this?!

I don’t understand cheating. I really don’t. Why do it? I just don’t understand. Is it for the thrill? Because it’s definitely not FTW unless you define “win” as sneaking around and hoping to God your prenup is airtight.

A little recap of the men with their cheating hearts :

Various Politicians

Yeah….that alone would take up waaaay too much time and space to address them all so I’m going to leave this one alone.

Hugh Grant :: Elizabeth Hurley

He’s caught dallying with another woman who isn’t Elizabeth Hurley. Excuse me but have you taken a good look at that woman? She is HOT!! Why on earth would you cheat on someone like that when you’re Hugh Grant? Just sayin’. Yes, he’s got baby blue eyes and blah blah blah whatever. She’s Elizabeth Hurley. End of story.

Eric Benet :: Halle Berry

This one hit wonder is unfaithful to Halle Berry. Halle friggin’ Berry. The only song I know of his is “Love Don’t Love Me” and the only reason why I know of that song is because the DJs used to spin it when I was bartending. That was the only reason why I even know who the hell this guy is. But Halle Berry?! C’mon now….

Heaven only knows where the hell he ended up but Halle’s career is strong AND she’s got a beautiful little girl. Love certainly loves her.

BRAD PITT / ANGELINA JOLIE / JENNIFER ANISTON

Omfg…You know, I’ll be honest and say that I’m actually Team Jolie. Sorry, Jennifer. Angelina is so hot, she was slightly crazy back in the day but ended up growing out of that phase and is now a humanitarian. I love that about her.

I have no idea what the hell Jennifer is doing besides taking more and more layers of clothing off in order to grace the covers of various magazines geared towards men.

Oh and let’s not forget that she keeps dating that weirdo John Mayer.

I seriously don’t get what women see in him. He’s scrawny, he always looks dirty (but not in the delicious let’s-take-a-bubble-bath-now-with-strawberries-and-champagne kind of way) and I don’t like his music. I seriously don’t get it.

Jon and Kate Gosse-whatever.

*sigh *

….I don’t even want to get into this anymore but as weird as I think Kate is (you can’t be all that there when your hair looks like something a bird would build. I have this theory about people and their hair. I’ll get into that another day), no one deserves to be cheated on.

David Letterman’s World Wide Pants

Yeah…his company’s name just went for a whole crazy turn after all his extracurricular activities came out of his pants in the literal and figurative sense.

Tiger Woods and what’s Her Face

Okay….so this is the latest one so far.

Again, I don’t understand the whole cheating thing. You’ve got a lovely wife at home who gave you beautiful children. Granted, I have no idea what the home situation is like for Tiger (or any of the rest of the people on this list. Jon and Kate are probably the only ones who I’d have even a glimpse of a clue. I don’t have cable so I don’t watch their show but even when I had access to cable, I would never waste my time on their retarded asses so it’s really a moot point) but again, why did he think this is a good idea?

First of all, he’s one of the most recognized sports players in the world. If he were to dip his wick elsewhere, I highly doubt even someone as private as him could avoid the TMZ people.

But here’s my real beef with all this.

WHO THE HELL CARES?!

I don’t understand why people are obsessing over this stuff. I don’t watch these people’s movies / shows / sports games / etc because I want to know the intricate details about their lives. I like their products!

Some of them make good movies! Some of them make GREAT movies! Some of them just suck and I wish they’re hurry up through their 15 minutes of fame. Some of them have songs I’m secretly ashamed to say that I actually like. Some of them are really good swinging around titanium clubs and hitting itty bitty balls for a living.

I support them because I think they’re good at what they do. I could give a flying rat’s ass if they were at Nobu having sushi the other day or if they were seen shopping at some store that caters to the sado-masochistic crowd.

What they do in their personal life is their business and is something I’m not interested in.

If it wasn’t for the tabloids, I would have no idea who half the people are who used to date Paris Hilton. Wait. If it wasn’t for the tabloids, I would have no idea who Paris Hilton is PERIOD.

Back to my original thought. Who cares if they’re sleeping with their neighbor or their whole neighborhood??!!

Why the hell are the details of Tiger’s indiscretions garnering time and coverage on the news when there are things that are actually important going on in this world?

Whatever happened to “mind your own business”? That mentality must’ve gone the same way as “keep your hands to yourself” because it seems like everyone is dipping their fingers into someone else’s pie.

Bonnie N. Clyde is a writer for YouBentMyWookie.com and the alias of the Supreme Commander / Ultimate Destroyer. When she’s not hating on John Mayer and watching “Ninja Assassin,” she writes in her blog over at MissBonnified.com.